he thought of her constantly
knowing she was his
gave him comfort
he had never known before
it soothed him when nothing and
no one else could
it eased his mind
softened his life
it had not begun that way
in the beginning
she was just another object
to him another something
that belonged to him
but with the passage of time
with the passage of his life
his life without love
without hope
without
his casual relationship with her
deepened and grew
with each thing he lost
each person who left him
every thing that escaped him
with every piece of himself
that he lost
he came to think of her more
to depend upon her presence
in his life
she was always there for him
no matter what or when
she was the one constant
in his life now
she would never leave
never hurt him
she offered the
only hope he had
and so it was that his feelings
toward her grew deeper
and deeper still
and when the final loss came
as it was sure to do
the final blow of blows
when he had no one else to turn to
no where else to go
for comfort
for sanctuary
for forgiveness
for love
she was there for him
as he had always known
she would be
she was his
nothing could change that
she gave him all the things
he had never had
she gave him hope
comfort
offered him forgiveness
when he held her
gave him sanctuary
when he touched her
all he had to do was
do the deed
and
she would take him
where he would never
suffer again
forever
and so it was
that on that day of days
he brought her to him
one last time
he looked at her
longingly lovingly
as he held her close
he held her gently
as lovers do
close to his heart
his shattered heart
and then
he
pulled
the
trigger
*in loving memory of bobby horton
11 comments:
- bobby is the father of three of my grandchildren and left this earth when they were all very young - this is not something i have thought of doing nor is it something i would typically put in this blog - however, this morning there was just this unknown force that dictated the words and the placement of them here - i could not refuse this force whatever it was - thank you -
It certainly made an impact on me.
Thank you for posting this. I'm sure I was meant to read it.
Oh, Jenean...What a powerful poem...reminds me of the poem, turned song, "Richard Cory." Only this is more gritty...and powerful in it's authenticity and horror...Thank you for your courage...it is an incredible poem! My heart is with all of you as I know that one never gets over something like this...Love, Janine XO
just as i apparently was meant to write it - weird thing today - but there it is - thanks so much for your kind words, therese!
dear janine! thank you for your kind kind words, as always! i'll have to run over now and check out the richard cory song - my daughter and my grandchildren of course still bear the burden and always will, of course - again, your kind words mean so much, dear lady!
Jenean,
Such a powerful poem and tragic event. Sometimes we have to dive deep into those dark emotions and allow whatever is there to come forth, purging ourselves if only for awhile the intensity of it's emotion. So sorry for the pain each of you have experienced, including your son in laws. Death is never easy to deal with, especially when it is traumatic and violent. I pray your daughter and her children find comfort in one another and you. Thank you for sharing.
Cole
I was not prepared for that ending..it was very powerful..You needed to release those thoughts today.
Unbelievably expressed, Jenean. So sad, so filled with suffering, so filled with human emotion... and brokenness. I feel so speechless, here. So so speechless!
Nevine
yes, cole, so tragic for everyone - even more so because two of his three siblings also committed suicide - such tragedy - but one thing was constant and i have always reminded the children [now adults] of how much bobby loved them - he did truly love them - thanks so much for your kind and caring thoughts!
hey marlene - you know, it's really weird how i just woke up like that - anyway - must have - thanks so much for coming by!!!
nevine - yes - i know what you mean - and my heart will always remember the brokenness that bobby must have felt - which leaves me speechless, as well - thanks so much for your caring words and thoughts!
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