she had become homesick
for something quite unknown
something unfamiliar
something she seemed to have known
to have felt to have been
some other time some other place
but when or where remained a mystery to her
what or who it was she could not remember
an agnogenic condition for sure
but homesick she stayed
and so it was that her nostalgia grew
as did her yearning for that something missing
not complete not whole she could not quite grasp
sadness coupled with longing soon turned to despair
longing for a thing she could not even name
despair for a thing unknown
the more she tried to remember to surrender
to the mist of her now-faded memory
the more embattled her soul
as if some stranger some trespasser
a foreign interloper had quietly and stealthily sneaked
into the deepest recesses of her self
and plucked and plundered till there was no more remaining
no more indeed not even a drop
of what was of what had been of what should still be
that obscure something for which her melancholy grew
and which soon twisted into a weariness begging for resignation
resigning herself to lost recollection to lost recognition
nothing could salvage what was not there
nothing short of divinationand so in her abject morbid meditation
as she sat staring
into the nothingness of her days
something caught her eye
an illusion almost
an image a manifestation
of something but of what
what was it that she saw there
staring back at her from the other side
slowly ever so slowly she began to see what was
it began to take shape
to become
that something she could not name
began to blossom to grow to regenerate
the skeletal pieces came together
blanketed by a soft pink tint
under which she could feel
slowly but surely beating
her heart
she glanced furtively upward
directly into the eyes of
of that something she was missing
that she had almost forgotten
that she had nearly lost
the eyes of her
SELF
and then she saw not just the pieces but the whole image
the thing for which she had become homesick
the thing unknown unfamiliar
it was her -
without him
~
8 comments:
And how many experience that without ever finding the answer?
far too many, sir - far too many! wonderful of you to drop by - thank you so much!
Oh, Jenean! I have been soul-searching, these past few days... past few weeks! And how your words echo inside me. And there is that other dimension of her without him... yes... it is such a homesickness... and so difficult to endure! Thank you for the lovely and thought-provoking words. I so revel in them!
Nevine
beautifully written!flowed like honey on the page. women lose who they are so easily.. men, children and careers...and they live with that empty feeling..hopefully they find themselves later on in life!
dear nevine - and so infrequently do we recognize - i think - even the possibility of such loss - let alone appreciate the probability of it in some instances - and then, the endurance - you're right - i'm so appreciative of your always comprehensive comments here - and more than thrilled if you've found anything of meaning -
oh, marlene! i love your comment of "flowing like honey on the page"!!! thank you! that empty feeling - oh, yeah - one many of us know now or have known -
I took that journey a few years ago.
I was never so happy to find me again!
Your words always manage to resonate deep within.
A kindred spirit I think. =)
always like coming home when we do find ourselves once more - a real coming home in the truest sense - thanks so much blazngscarlet - it's always wonderful to have you come by! - and yes, kindred spirits, for sure!
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